Swinging With the Hep Cats

Original Lead: 

"On Friday February 15, 2013, the UNH Hep Cats Swing Dancing Club invites all to their Swing Your Sweetheart dance. This upbeat social event will be held in the Strafford room of the MUB from 7- 11 p.m."

Rewritten Leads:

1. Every Wednesday the UNH Hep Cats Swing Dancing Club transports a zealous group of students to a time when swing dancing flourished and you were nothing if you couldn't Jitterbug, Jive or grab your partner and do the Lindy Hop.
"Any dance is a lot of fun, but with swing you don't have to pay attention to form or match the count. It's a loose dance that makes me more creative," said grad student, Ian Marshall. "You work your mistakes into your style and that makes it fun."

2. On a campus where the musical stylings of David Guetta are omnipresent and risqué nightclub moves rule the dance floor, the UNH Hep Cats Swing Dancing Club has managed to keep the groove of the swing era alive.

(Class ended before I could finish. This post was written on Monday, February 25, but at the end of class I saved it as a draft and forgot to publish it until now.)

Not all leads are created equal: what works and what doesn't

For this exercise, I'm comparing and contrasting the leads of articles about the Higgs boson particle and the end of the universe. I wanted to pick a topic that I know nothing about so all of the information would be new and I wouldn't already have a personal connection/interest with the material. Since science has never been a strong area of mine, I decided this would be a good way to go. My only knowledge of the Higgs boson particle comes from an anecdote on an episode of The Big Bang Theory.

I found five articles about the exact same thing from five different sources: 3 News, Reuters (though Huffington Post), Escapist Magazine, The Inquisitr and The Examiner. Most leads were a combination of the first-day lead and the second-day lead. The second-day aspect comes from the fact that scientists discovered what they believe to be the Higgs boson particle last year. However, new information is being introduced in these stories, and a lot of the leads read as breaking news leads. Subsequently, there are first-day components to these leads as well.

While all of the leads seem well written for the most part, there are certain things that bother me about some of them. For example, the lead from the article in The Examiner reads:

"The Higgs boson may lead to doom for the universe, the kind of doom even the trendy preppers couldn't find a way to ride out. According to CBS News on Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2013, scientists believe they have found the Higgs boson, which is a subatomic particle that is key in making calculations about the future of space and time."

My first problem with this lead is that it left me wondering what the heck a trendy prepper is. To me, the word trendy evokes the image of a tall, thin girl with long, wavy hair who looks like she just walked out of an Urban Outfitters catalogue. So, what? Is a trendy prepper one of those girls who just happens to be very well prepared? Our textbook makes a point of saying that if something in a lead stops you, it probably needs to be reworked. I also think that this lead is unnecessarily long. Maybe some of that information could be saved for a following paragraph. Does the lead really need to point out that the Higgs boson is a subatomic particle that is key in making calculations about the future of space and time, or is there a better home for that information?

Speaking of lengthy leads, here's the one from Escapist Magazine:

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), that big particle accelerator that straddles the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva, has been on the receiving end of much admiration lately for finding more proof of the existence of the Higgs boson particle than anything before it. Naturally, having sort-of-maybe found this grand missing piece of physics, a few scientists have started theorizing about what the implications of its existence might really be. Their conclusion involves a situation where, billions of years from now, another universe bubbles up in the center of ours and erases it. All of it. Yes, the entire thing. Science!"

Whoa there. As far as I'm concerned, this is a perfect example of an overworked lead. The words "Large Hadron Collider" are linked to another article that explains what it is, so "that big particle accelerator that straddles the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva" is not only superfluous but also cumbersome. We also don't need to know that it's been admired lately. The conversational quality of this lead is appealing, but there's far too much information crammed in there. Furthermore, the most important part is way at the end. If I were to rewrite this lead, I would suggest something like this:

"After theorizing the implications of the existence of the Higgs boson particle, scientists have come up with a conclusion that involves a situation where, billions of years from now, another universe bubbles up in the center of ours and erases it. All of it."

All of the other information in the existing lead seems secondary to me.

My favorite lead came from the article I found on 3 News:

"Scientists studying data from the Large Hadron Collider have some bad news - their calculations suggest our universe will end catastrophically, devoured from within by a vacuum bubble expanding at the speed of light, destroying everything in its path."

This lead had me at hello. It's so captivating! There's no way a reader would see this lead and think, "booooring." There's enough information here that I know what the article is going to be about, but it doesn't bombard me with facts that could be saved for supporting paragraphs. The greatest thing about this lead, though, is the language that's used. Just take a look at the choices this reporter made: catastrophically, devoured, speed of light, destroying everything in its path. Those are good choices! After I read this lead, I was curious to see whether or not this article passed the checklist for opening paragraphs provided by our textbook. I went through the checklist step by step, and here's what I found:

Do the opening paragraphs provide a sense of scene or place? Absolutely. Forget the opening paragraphs; the lead itself sets the scene. I can literally picture a bubble (much like the one used to protect Hogwarts in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) swallowing our universe and killing every single one of us. It's not exactly a happy scene, but this isn't exactly happy news. It definitely gets the job done.

Do the opening paragraphs take advantage of a strong "what's next" element if there is one? In this case, the "what's next" element is the end of the universe. Despite the fact that this catastrophe isn't expected to happen for billions of years, the sense of urgency is undeniable. Later in the article we're informed that more research will be done, and hopefully more conclusive results will come from that.

Do the opening paragraphs feature a very good quote, the best one or the perfect one? There are several great quotes in this article, but I don't think the best one is featured first. This first quote is, "If you use all the physics that we know now and you do what you think is a straightforward calculation, it's bad news." It's not a very strong quote. The quote that I believe to be the strongest is, "This calculation tells you that many tens of billions of years from now, there'll be a catastrophe... What happens is you get just a quantum fluctuation that makes a tiny bubble of the vacuum the universe really wants to be in, and because it's a lower-energy state, this bubble will then expand, basically at the speed of late, and sweep everything before it." I would recommend finding a way to feature that quote earlier in the article.

Do the opening paragraphs make clear what the impact is on readers? I think the impact here is pretty clear. Some people may not care because billions of years from now, we'll all be dead and gone. We won't be around to experience the whole vacuum bubble thing. Nonetheless, I think there's a definite impact.

Do the opening paragraphs provide a "cosmic element," is appropriate? Yes. I don't think elaboration is needed for this one.

Do the opening paragraphs move at a nice pace? I certainly think they do. I didn't get bored reading this article, and I didn't get stuck despite its scientific nature. I may not know a lot about this subject, but I still felt comfortable with the language and material. I think that overall, this article is well written.

Deciding What's Fair

Chapter 29 of our text covers how to edit for fairness. Are people part of a story by choice or chance? Does a story make light of people at their expense? Are people and issues treated differently in similar situations? It tells us how to answer those questions and make those distinctions. It even gives us examples on page 194 and tells us how to make them fair on 195. I'm not sure if I agree with our textbook, though.

The first example gives a quote from the fiancée of a man who was killed over what might have been a drug argument: "He loved to fool around, get drunk, and get crazy. Me and him was inseparable, except when we were fighting." The suggestion to make it fair is to write "'He loved to fool around,' said his fiancée, adding that they sometimes fought but were inseparable." While I understand that the man is dead and the fiancée might be emotionally distraught, I don't think that justifies making those kinds of changes. The changes that the book proposed completely altered mood and tone of what the fiancée said. Is it really up to us (the editors) to decide how she was feeling and whether or not her words are valid when we didn't even interview her?

I have a similar problem with the second example we're given. In this one, the home of a man who has been arrested and arraigned on a child pornography charge is being described. "A dented trash barrel at the curb stands in stark contrast to the neatly placed plastic garbage cans in front of the house next door. Grass grows between the stepping stones leading up to the wooden porch steps in need of some paint. A crudely printed sign on the front door states: Please knock. Bell broken." The suggestion to make this example fair tells us that maybe the ugliness associated with child pornography is being projected onto the man's house. The books says that an editor could suggest to get rid of the negativity and make it more neutral. To me, the description read as honest. Obviously I haven't seen the house that's being described, but a dented trash barrel is a dented trash barrel. Steps in need of paint are steps in need of paint. What's the problem if the reporter is describing the situation exactly as he/she sees it? If the man's house is ugly, I don't think an ugly description should be avoided merely because child pornography charges are also ugly.

I'm starting to feel like I won't be very good at editing for fairness.

Misunderstandings

The problem with commonly used phrases and idioms is that they're often misused. I hear people say "lone behold" all of the time, but to the best of my knowledge lone behold means nothing at all. Lo and behold, however, means "look and behold!" It's an interjection used to express surprise or excitement.

"Hunger pains" is another one gets thrown around a lot, but the actual term is hunger pang. Hunger pangs are uncomfortable muscle contractions that signal hunger. Since a pang causes pain the mistake is understandable, but it's still technically incorrect.

Also, intensive purposes aren't an actual thing. This one really gets on my nerves. "For all intents and purposes" means in every practical sense, in every important respect, practically speaking, etc. Intensive purposes would be purposes, goals or resolutions that are intense.

A scapegoat is a person who bears the blame for others. An escape goat, on the other hand, is a goat that has escaped from its owner.

My favorite one (meaning the one that bothers me the most) is probably when people say "I could care less." What they mean to say is that they could not possibly have less interest in the matter at hand. They're trying to express that whatever is going on means nothing to them; it's not even worth thinking about. But by saying "I could care less," they're actually saying that the matter at hand is at least a little important to them.

Unfortunately, people tend to get mad at me when I correct them.

Fabricated Facts

As a journalism student, I'm always told stories about reporters who fabricate quotes, facts, people, stories, etc., but I rarely get to see those lies on paper. Over winter break, however, I got to read an article that was both wildly and hilariously inaccurate.

On my first day home I went to visit my best friend. When I walked into her house she was frantically waving a copy of The Bristol Phoenix around and ranting about ethics in journalism and how stupid Alex (her younger brother) is.

Alex graduated from our town's public high school last year, and a girl who graduated with him decided to write an article for the Phoenix about where the star students from their graduating class are today. The article briefly mentioned a few students who went on to Ivy League schools but focussed mainly on Alex, who attends Plymouth State University. This girl sang his praises and referred to him as a star athlete and an exemplary student who always put academics first and never let his grades suffer. The only problem is that while he was definitely a star athlete, there's no way anyone in that school ever considered him to be an exemplary student. He was unmotivated at best and never had a very impressive report card.

When we asked Alex if the girl had contacted him to ask him about his grades and experiences in high school, he said of course she did. He also assured us that he told her his grades were less than admirable and he never really cared about school. He told her that he did the bare minimum to make sure that his grades wouldn't sink low enough to prevent him from playing hockey and lacrosse.

I guess those quotes didn't exactly make their way into the article...

Editing Galore

Think Like an Editor has brought me to the startling realization that despite having previous experience as an editor, I don't actually know what editors do. There are so many different kinds of editors and each one has a different job and different responsibilities. I had no idea there were that many people in charge of that many types of editing. It's all a little overwhelming, to be perfectly honest.

I was a big fish in a small pond at my high school of 100 students, School One. Our paper, News One, was rapidly approaching death when I joined the class. (At my school the newspaper wasn't a club; it was a class.) Our teacher, Lucy, made a point of letting the content editor and layout editor (who also wrote articles) take charge of the class. Even though our teacher had plenty of experience as a reporter and was more than qualified to be teaching that class, most student took it in hopes of an easy A. Both editors didn't enjoy being part of News One and subsequently didn't put any effort into the paper.

One day the content editor failed to do his job and I ended up staying after school to help Lucy clean up the mess. It took us hours, but we ended up publishing a paper we were proud of the next day. I was elected News One's content editor in our next class, and I also ended up becoming the layout editor before much longer. Newspaper class was always the highlight of my day. Once the class wasn't drowning in negative energy and hostility we were able to work as a team and make News One a respectable school paper again. Once I graduated from School One I did some writing for The Anchor and Johnston Patch, but the only time I got to flex my editing muscles was when my friends asked me to edit their papers.

Now that I'm finally learning the proper way to edit in a legitimate editing class, I've come to realize that editors do much more than I thought they did. I still want to be a reporter, but as the semester progresses my interest in editing is growing. I’m starting to think that I might want to be an editor some day.

An Editor's Credo

Never accept anything less than your best. Don’t be lazy. Don’t allow yourself to become indifferent or complacent. Don’t be sloppy. Double-check everything. Always remain honest, fair, objective and open-minded. Never forget that there’s a difference between confidence and haughtiness. That being said, recognize that perfection is unobtainable and criticism is inevitable. Most importantly, don’t lose sight of why you chose this field in the first place.

         

I have been a perfectionist for my entire life. Even when I was younger my Raggedy Ann doll was the only one that wasn’t raggedy. I like my apartment and belongings to be immaculate and orderly. I also expect my work to be polished, accomplished and flawless. Having such anal retentive tendencies has its perks, but it also means that I obsess over achieving something that doesn’t exist: perfection. I often end up editing my work so many times that it doesn’t even make sense anymore. While my goal is always to produce adept work, sometimes I end up with convoluted mishegas. When I’m faced with the realization that I’m not perfect, I usually feel defeated. Every now and then I might even be temped to throw in the towel. That’s why the most important thing for me to remember is that I picked journalism as my major because I love it.

The examples in our textbook show just how many important things can be encompassed in an editor’s credo. Reporters and editors must come up with their own unique “mission statements” that work best for them. In my case, the credo I’ve created incorporates the most important things for me to remember. Though I’m sure I’ll end up tweaking this credo several times throughout the semester, I think this is a good start.